Get up & act!

Yesterday I heard Meira and Genia's intellectual conversation-on-stairs about evolution.
I realized that I've never thought about that before.
And I don't care either.

I care about my character and personality. I have to talk to rav Roberg and I did not manage yet. Oh! It's stupid that I need to take time, think and only afterwards make move. I hate this word 'have to', it kills me :( and I know this is my yetzer ara, I'm trying to fight it and hope to win over it.

How can I believe in evolution when all I truly believe in is Hashem. My life's been one big gift and miracle given to me by him. Revolution? I did believe in it some time ago.
Evolution? Not for me.

I need more strength, modesty and 'kick' to get up and act for my good!!!

All about winter nights, Holden C & Drew B

I just can't go to bed withouth posting anything here.
It's been a long day.
Actually day's not long, but night damn is.
I woke up at 08:30 am & felt like have slept for ages. That's why I like winter, night is always long and you can dream on without feeling guilty that you overslept or as it is.

Been searching for some interesting blogs. Found something, but I'm too sleepy to read now.
It's about Holden Caulfield.

DREW BARRYMORE

When I started to blog this very post, I meant to write about Drew Barrymore (but some like change subjects) - how inspiring she has been for me. I admire her courage, her wits and smile - always sunny. She's been through so much - drugs, alcohol, depression, and here she is - fresh, successful and recovered. I would have loved her either ways. Wanted to tell you that quote of hers I read the other day, but I have forgotten. She was talking about being risky and not to be scared of being embarrassed.
Can't say same about risks, but I've never backed off of getting embarrassed. Who cares as long as you feel "rufalicious"! :) Gotta see her movies (e.g. Never been kissed).
So, thank you Drew for being my muse and inspiration for life.
Thanks internet for being the engine of my inspirations.
Thanks everyone who reads it and thinks that I am 'the one' =))
HAVE A SWELL NIGHT (if that's possible)!

Мне ничего не надо...

I wish you could love Sergei Esenin as I do.
One has to read his lyrics and poems in original russian for sure. But if you ever try I'm sure you may find that fair curly boy in other languages too.

"Золото холодное луны,
Запах олеандра и левкоя.
Хорошо бродить среди покоя
Голубой и ласковой страны."

Here you can see the video from the Tv film 'Esenin' - amazing Sergei Bezrukov playing russian poet. I love them both.

"Ordinary" Miracle

Rebbetzin Roberg with the midrasha girls - November '09

Had a great Shabbat..
On the second seuda we went to the Robergs', the sweetest couple ever. When I see rav Roberg, I really wish he was my grandpa. They live in Israel and come to Berlin once a month. When I went in the classroom this Wednesday and saw rav Roberg there, I almost run up and hug him :)) he's like this sweet old opa, you know. What about rebbetzin Roberg? She's just unbelieveable person - dear, smart, always smiling and giving us warm hugs. She never forgets any of us. Today, when I looked at the other girls during the lunch, it was amazing how their faces were shining really. Every girl smiled and you could see the happiness in their eyes. I've been in many families on Shabbat, but never seen something like that - each & every girl pleased. It would be such a blessing if I ever become rebetzin like her.

They both have been through Holocaust, but you would never say that. I mean, I've never seen any other Holocaust survivors, but I thought of them more of a depressed and closed people. I was wrong. Rebbetzin Roberg's family escaped the Nazi regime to Holland, but soon they invaded Netherlands too. So after her father was taken to the concentration camp, she was given to a catholic family to survive the war. When she told her story, you could see that it was all miracle. All of us have heard loads of stories about Holocaust, but it's always moving when you hear it from the person who had actually been there.
That is when I cry out again & again: Hashem has always been there and here too.

SHAVUA TOV!!! (I still can't stop being happy :) Why should I?)

Just Listening

I know that people are different and I should not demand from everyone to be as I want them to be - like me :|
But why can't they be nicer? I prefer people who can be polite and smile even they don't feel that way. Why can't they just listen? People can't listen, it's unbelievable.

Today we had an amazing shiur with Olga Afanasev, she's just great. I wish more girls could attend her classes - because she just teaches us to listen others, to be compassionate, to be better person so to say. I'm not sure whether it helps or not, but I can see that the girls who come to this class have become friendlier and confident. So have I.
I've always been a listener, but sometimes it gets hard for me - only listening while others hate listening, or if they do listen, you can feel they do kind of favor to you. That's why I prefer to listen and then write, you know, at least I can be heard this way =))

Well, don't take this post too seriously, I'm just very tired, missed my mum, my home, my room, my bed, my kitchen, my sister Lilu - she's the one who can listen to me (and Dina for sure).

Ella, this sweet new girl in midrasha, said today: 'Hashem elokeinu, Hashem echad - that means He is not only One, but He's Unique - when you are sure of that, nothing can ever bring you down.' She's just wonderful person. Thanks for people like her I keep on sunny-ing!

He is Unique, and He is with me, I shall not fear!

To Walk The Docks

[Bridge to the Antwerp docks. Belgium, October '09]

Wanted to write to you with a few more impressions of Antwerp. (...) Well, these docks are one huge Japonaiserie, fantastic, singular, strange — at least so one can see them. I’d like to walk with you there to find out whether we look at things the same way...' - Vincent Van Gogh

I can tell what Van Gogh felt walking in Antwerp, and looking for someone to walk and share its thoughts with him. Then I thought for myself - would I like to walk someone in Antwerp to find out whether we look at things the same way? I don't know. Sometimes I just love walking alone and looking at things the way only I see. The reason may be the following: at this very period of my life I have nobody to walk in Antwerp, either in Berlin :) I think I'm on my way of finding the way of my future life, what I really really want and who I want to be with. Imagine, if you date/marry someone and you realize that it's not the one you wanted to walk the docks and see things together.

It's so ironic - as you grow older you become self-confident, but your fears and insecurities grew with you too. What one can do? No need to answer. Just let me find out by myself [and with G-d's help].

"New York, I Love You!"

Can't wait to see this movie. I'm sure it's gonna be next hollywood cliche one, but it's always interesting how they show religious life. More or less I know the idea of it. A religious girl gets bored of her life and decides to 'find' her other way...

I'm just curious to see Natalie Portman wearing a wig and kosher clothes. She looks lovely, doesn't she? I live among kosher women and truly appreciate their attitude. This life is much more interesting and colourful than anyone could ever think.